What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
