My friends, they love my intelligence
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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