who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
