I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
