I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
