U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
