New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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