Say something about gay babies.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize