I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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