We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize