I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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