you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
