I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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