and you said cock pushups were impossible
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
