Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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