Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
well you can't waste a boner
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
