I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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