Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Welp...herpes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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