I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
