i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He felt like a one man threesome
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
