As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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