I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
