dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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