my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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