hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
