i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
