Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
operation harelip BJ is a go
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize