like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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