Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
