I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
