Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
