it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
