i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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