There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
