u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
