I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
