You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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