Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
