Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
