Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
there's paper in my vomit.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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