Sponge bath it is.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
