i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Semen is not good for contacts.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
