After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
