Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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