if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
