So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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