Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
