No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
