im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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