How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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