I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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