next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
