It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
