I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ketchup is God's man juice
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
