should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
