He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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