guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's official drugs can't kill me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You ruined the universe
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize