You just made me feel so damn special
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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