A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
