she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
