My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
