i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
