My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
