also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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