Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
